Hunger Pains

To hear other people's thoughts is what we all, at least some of us, think we would most desire.
"I wonder what she really thinks of me as a friend?"
"I wonder what the hesitation in my husband's voice meant when I asked him how I looked in this outfit?"
"I wonder why that stranger is staring me up and down from across the room?"
Things of this nature.
I've had the recent privilege to have that desire filled and it wasn't anything that I desired to hear.
A little background info: Over the past two years for reasons unknown to me, I've gained about 30 pounds, most of it in the past year. I can tell a huge difference in my body where as others politely tell me that they haven't noticed a change, that I look the same. While I appreciate their kindness, they're full of it!
In 2007 I was active, going to the gym everyday and wearing a size 10. Now, I'm slightly active, don't go to the gym at all and wear a size 16 on a good day.

Recently, on a trip to visit family that I haven't seen in a while, someone who thought I was out of ear's shot made a comment after I squeezed past them at the dinner table.
"Man, her ass got HUGE!"
That shot a pain in my stomach. Funny thing, it felt kind of like a hunger pain.

Within the same week I was told first-hand that someone was looking at some pictures of me from about 2 years ago and made this comment:
"Wow, Butternose used to be skinny!"
This time the comment punched me right in the gut and made the top 10 list of things that have made me feel horrible in my life. I cried and the hunger pains shot back through my stomach.

Maybe some of you will say this might have been good for me to hear so I'll get off my ass and finally do something about my weight but it truly didn't have that effect. What it made me want to do is rewind back to right before the first comment where I was happy with myself and content with my weight for the time being.
I had been working on exercising more and eating better the week before all of this happened and, not that I'm going to stop now, but those comments just made my efforts seem worthless.

I'll get past this, I get past most everything.
Time is a burden to memories.